Two Trains

In 1978 Lowell George wrote a song titled Two Trains. Its opening lyrics go :

“two trains running, on one line,
one train’s me, the other’s a friend of mine,
feel all right, feel just fine,
I’ll take one train, and leave the other behind.”

I only discovered the pleasures of Lowell’s considerable musical talents in 1981, but I was immediately stuck by his lyrics, and saw in them a very accurate reflection of how I viewed my life as a disabled individual. Being a Gemini doesn’t help matters but I am essentially made up of two halves, one the physical me, and the other the mental me. In my (our) case the physical and mental bodies are not in tune with one another quite the way they should be, but regardless, they are travelling on the same line on this railroad of life. There is little doubt that the physical me is the weaker of the two trains, hense my choosing the mental me as my driving train, and leaving the other lagging behind.

I recently turned fifty, which is something of a feat for a muscular dystrophy sufferer. At my celebratory party I spoke to my gathered friends about the role they had all played in my life, and how their presence along my railroad track had been so important. They had been there when I was fresh out of the railway station, through the flatlands, the dark tunnels, and the twisting mountain passes. Some had manned the junction points which changed the course of my life as I moved through school, into work, new employers and careers, sporting interests, hobbies, travel, and relationships. Others may well share this view, but when I look back I can isolate quite easily at least a half dozen pivotal moments in my life when I met someone, or did something, which changed the course of my rail tracks, to the extent that I find it hard to imagine how my life would have panned out had the meeting or event not taken place. In some cases it sends a shiver down my spine just contemplating anything different, such was the fundamental change brought about by a couple of chance happenings.

There is a school of thought which says that we get the things we deserve. If that is true then I am immensely fortunate to have the quality of folk around me whom I know as friends. During all the daunting challenges and real life changing experiences my friends guided me, influenced me and most of all supported me. At no point in time did I ever feel that my train was alone or driverless, but at the same time none of them ever tried to commandeer my train. I am grateful that my friends were who they were when I met them, I am grateful for who they are today, and I am grateful for who they will be in the future.

And so, after fifty years of travelling down my railroad I look back and see my physical train struggling down the track, noticeably less able than when it started this journey, but still going nonetheless. The mental me is a lot more experienced, wiser, and considerably more cynical, but it is tough and strong and will drag that physical train along by the scruff of its neck if it needs to. Lowell George’s words return, slightly paraphrased :

“feel all right, feel just fine,
I’ll take this one train, with the other just behind.”