Attitude

When I hear the term "attitude" being applied to an individual I have this picture pop up in my mind of a gangster rapper, hand on hip, staring over the top of their shades, or one of those big African American ladies who talks while wiggling her neck from side to side.

It's a Hollywood vision, but attitude is more than a show. It is a philosophy, a mindset, a character trait, one we, as disabled, need plenty of. It is the space that separates success from failure, happiness from despair, achievement from indifference. Attitude is not necessarily something you "have", like a bad mood, or a common cold. It is rather something which is inside one's core being, a sort of "inner outlook" which governs how we go about our lives. Some people with really profound levels of disability achieve success, whilst others with relatively minor afflictions struggle and often fall by the wayside. No-one knows how our disability affects our lives and our persona other than ourselves, but our attitude to it, and the environment surrounding us is what determines whether we succeed or fail in managing and living with our disability.

Attitude is influenced by our knowledge, education, skills, support structure and economic situation. I say influenced, because having one or more of these is no guarantee of success. It is what we make of them which really matters. They are floating opportunities bobbing around us in a swimming pool. We can reach out and embrace one or more of them, or we can push them away. Either way it will affect how we cope in that pool, how long we can stay afloat, and whether we enjoy the swim!

This is perhaps particularly relevant to MD sufferers since so many of us contracted the disease as children. How we were raised influenced our attitude, and formed the foundation of our adult character. If that character did not "fit" with our later reality of education, employment, independent living, friendships, etc then it placed us at odds with all around us, a situation which would in turn influence our attitude. It is easy to see how a negative attitude can quickly become self-perpetuating, but of course the opposite is also true. It is vital that young disabled individuals are developed to have a high self-esteem, positive view of themselves, and never under-estimated. Failure to do so will damage their attitude, something which could end up being as debilitating as their physical condition.

Into this whole attitude equation we also need to factor in our life expectations. What do we expect from family, friends, work, the government or religion? The combination of our attitude "to" things, and our expectations "of" things determines how we are likely to deal with life. Those who enjoy success in their disabled lives generally have the ability to blur the lines between disability and able-bodied.

We cannot clearly define exactly what attitude is but we know that the presence of disability can magnify its effects. A bad environment can affect us negatively, but we can grab hold of a good thing, absorb it, and use it to break out into a better environment. Whether we take advantage of opportunities or allow them to overwhelm us is determined by our attitude. It is something which is very definitely within our control. We cannot change the way we feel, but we can change the way we see things, and that will change the way we feel.

Some believe we are either "hard wired", like an electrical circuit, to deal with disability, or we are not. You can cope, or you can't. Simple as that. It is an interesting theory, but not one I am entirely convinced of. I believe we can change, and just as our disability changes us physically so we can change mentally and emotionally to adapt to it. Our biggest obstacle is sitting on top of our shoulders. As our set of abilities changes so we need to assess what we can do, and live within those abilities. We have a disability which is trying to take control of our lives and our attitude is going to determine how we keep control. The physical realities can often outweigh optimism but that's not a reason to give in. It takes time and a re-learning of life, to gain the ability to live freely.

Attitude is a defining characteristic in determining if an individual will reach their full potential, irrespective of disability. Someone once said life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of what you make of it. In our quest to find our goals and the means to achieve them it might be worthwhile to reflect on these words . . .

"So judge not another for their toil,
It’s to themselves they answer in life,
Be it truth or lie,
To God they answer when they die,
The real why." . . . . . (Ralf, Nikkei)