My ELECTRONIC FRIEND

In a previous column I commented on the rise in levels of communication that we are experiencing today, particularly electronic communication via the Internet and eMail. FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter and Skype have risen from nothing to become global communication giants in the space of just a year or two. FaceBook claims to have over 30 million members worldwide, with South Africa boasting of the fifth largest FaceBook membership.

But all is not always as it seems in this brave new communicating world. This was brought home to me some months ago when a friend, Anne, expressed concern about the amount of time her twelve year old daughter was spending chatting with friends on the computer. Curious as to who these "friends" were she asked her daughter, only to find that she had never actually met any of these individuals. They were her electronic friends. Virtual friends if you like. More disconcerting for Anne was that her daughter genuinely thought of these people as her friends. When quizzed about whether or not they might be who they say they are, the daughters reply was an "Oh Ma! You just don't understand".

And therein lies the crux of the matter. Apart from the obvious dangers of paedophilia the more telling point is that an increasing number of us are placing "real people" hats onto electronic names. Even if there is no danger, the very notion that one can view a complete unknown entity, just words on a screen, as a friend is somewhat scary. Using that logic the tooth fairy must be as real as Mom and Dad. It came to pass that there was no "danger" being posed to Anne's daughter other than that she was losing sight of how to measure true friendship.

As if to drive home the point, some weeks ago, on a well known disability forum, a member was exposed as being a fraud. Whether he (or possibly she) was disabled or not is unknown, but in an apparent effort to bond with other forumites they came up with increasingly fanciful stories of hardship. Each new story elicited a new flood of good will and sympathy, and pressure to top the previous hardship. It rapidly descended into a bizarre fiction with one outrageous accident being followed by another close family members death. It read like a B-grade spaghetti western! But the scary thing was that the majority of forumites bought the stories hook, line and sinker. He, or she, was everyone's friend in need. Some even wanted to donate money and gifts. Even when the hoaxer was exposed people still viewed this sad individual as their friend, albeit one who needed help. It proved the point that one can fool most of the people most of the time.

I, more than most, appreciate the benefits of electronic communication and the ease with which we can reach across the world and interact with others. However, the more I use electronic media the more I appreciate the face-to-face friendships which I have. The real flesh 'n blood friends, based on shared experiences over many years. One may often use an electronic medium to reach out to them, I am in daily eMail contact with many of my close friends, but there is the knowledge and foundation of knowing that person personally.

The electronic media is incredibly powerful, and liberating for many of us. But it can also be shallow, fleeting and fake. It is no substitute for the real world experiences which lead to the making and cementing of friendships. There is something about real-life shared experiences which brings people together and creates common bonds. We see it with work colleagues, schoolmates, and sports teams and the common denominator across all of them is that they are real world based, side by side, face to face. More than any other factor it is strong friendships which have guided me through over fourty years of disabled life. It is not to say that similar bonding cannot take place over distance, but somehow those will always be fragile, whereas the closer friendships are strong.

I write this at a time of the year when people around the world take time off to spend it with family and friends. Perhaps, without even being fully aware of their actions, they are confirming that the real measure of genuine friendship is how little physical distance there is between us.